Cosmic Prank
by Rose Fortress
Summary: Sometimes Turkey feels that his love for Japan is just part of a prank pulled on him by the entire universe, and all he can do is get drunk and rant about it. One-sided Turkey/Japan with mentions of Greece/Japan and past one-sided Turkey/Ancient Greece.


Originally written for the Hetalia kink meme prompt "Any pairing - one-sided." This version is formatted differently than the original one because this site erases extra line breaks between paragraphs, which throws off the pacing a bit but hopefully not enough to distract.

Be warned: Turkey swears a _lot_ when he's drunk, rambling, and mad (although not as much when he's sad instead...), and being drunk doesn't spare him from feeling the pain of unrequited love. Not one bit.

The pairings in this fic, in case you didn't catch them in the summary, are one-sided Turkey/Japan, mutual Greece/Japan, and mentioned past one-sided Turkey/Ancient Greece.

* * *

Sometimes I really think that what I'm experiencing now is a huge fucking cosmic prank pulled on me. Maybe all this is Ancient Greece's way of getting revenge on me for killing her and she's laughing her head off right now in heaven. The one who loved her but killed her anyway falling in love with another only to have that love snatched away from him by her very own son? Oh _yes_, that's definitely a show to pass out tickets to. I can just hear the rest of the ancient nations joining her in laughing their fucking heads off at me.

All right, I can't say that I don't deserve it...kinda. But fuck, this _hurts_. Why, out of all the nations of this world, did I have to fall for _you_?

Why did the brat have to fall for _you _too?

It really makes no fucking sense the more I think about it. No one else even takes me seriously when I let slip that I love you because they see no reason why I, a proud and self-assured Mediterranean nation who used to be the motherfucking Ottoman Empire, should be head-over-heels for some quiet, nerdy nation on the other side of the world. Greece's got the "other side of the world" going against him too, but _he's_ also got cat-loving and hey-look-at-how-compatible-their-personalities-are going on with you, so everyone knows how madly in love _he's_ with you and vice versa. Hell, sometimes _I_ want to tell you to man up and ask the brat out already, because it's fucking obvious that you and him are meant to be.

Don't look at me like that. We both know that _you_ know it too.

Yep, there's no fucking logic whatsoever for me continuing to pine away for _you_. You don't have the looks of the gorgeous harem boys I used to have or the personality of the fiery, takes-no-gruff type that I always get hot for or even easy geographic distance. Maybe someday I'll actually realize this and this makes-no-sense hurting will stop.

HAH! As if. I'm only deluding myself when I go on like this, because the truth is that I know _exactly _why I fell for you. Yes, you're quiet and nerdy and not up to snuff in the looks department, but back when I was still having nightmares about smelling Ancient Greece's blood all over me, I had trained myself _not _to get overly close to anyone I might potentially fall for. _You _were so different from the type I fell for that I thought there was no need to take precautions with you. I let my defenses down, and _you _made your way past them without me noticing until it was too late to do a fucking thing about it.

Hey, hey, don't take the raki away! It's my best friend right now, and if _you _think of me as a friend at the very least, you'll give me that raki back right now.

Anyway, there's also the fact that I wasn't as kickass an empire as I liked to act. I _used _to be a badass motherfucker, but by the time you came around, I knew my empire was dying. I couldn't do a fucking thing to stop it, and I couldn't talk to anyone about it because I knew they were calling me "the sick man" behind my back and I didn't want their laughter or pity. I was far too proud for that.

But you...

I told _you _about it. I can't exactly recall why at the moment. Maybe because I knew you wouldn't mock me about it. Maybe because I had begun wearing simpler clothes around you after noticing how you seemed more at ease when I didn't look so fancy. Maybe because I was so damn lonely and you were there and you seemed to see me not as an empire to be pitied or scorned but as a _person _to be befriended.

Whatever it was, I told you. And you _listened_. You didn't do it out of mere politeness, either; you did it because you _understood_. You said that I was hardly the only one who had hurt others or suspected that becoming an empire wasn't worth the cost and pain. You looked away as you said this, and I realized you were referring to yourself. How could I have not seen just who you were? _You _were the quiet, shy nation who had seen the rise and fall of your brother's empire and tried to take his place by running him through. You regretted it, but you were too proud to admit it. Of _course _you would understand.

Just as I could understand you too and how you weren't as unaffected as you acted during the war. I was there for you when you woke up in the hospital after the war because I knew you needed someone who could listen to you.

But then you said Greece had visited you before I came and that he had already listened to you. _Greece_. The kid who's just a shadow of the empire his mother had been and hence couldn't have _any _idea of what you'd been through. Yes, him. _Him_. _He _couldn't have possibly listened to you. I _understood _you before he had even fucking _met _you! I tried telling you this, but you just told me to leave, please, because the medicine was making you drowsy!

Was I too loud, Japan?

Do you remember our flags? The moon and the sun? I remember coming up with a story about how I was the moon and you were the sun and we used to dance together until we were told we were too different and fated to grow far apart. It was lame, cheesy, and made me wonder if I had been smoking too much hookah, but it made you chuckle and say that you had read stranger stories from your people. You were glad it was only a story, because it didn't mean we were too different to come together like this and reminisce like the old former empires we were.

You smiled at that. At _me_, the old man you shared stories with. I thought I was the only one who could see this side of you. Surely _he _could never relate to you like I did, never make you smile like this...

But no, that's just me deluding myself again. Why would you care that he's never been an empire or that he's got a shitty economy when you know full well the person's more important than the empire? He may not have the experience, but he's got the patience to read enough philosophy and history to get an idea of it and not make an ass out of himself over nothing. He's got the gentleness that makes you unafraid of him hurting you with a careless word or act, the quietness that lets you relax and lose the creases there on your forehead. Only an idiot would think he doesn't make you the happiest, and I'm no idiot.

I'm not him. I'm just me.

Turkey. The former Ottoman Empire.

Who didn't even intend to love again.

Stop looking at me like that, you. I don't need fucking _pity _from a Greek. You're supposed to sneer at me and tell me to go fuck myself because I'm clearly just a whiny loser, so that I'll be too raging to keep on moping like this. How 'bout we fight so I can wipe that look off your face? Just stand there and I'll-

Hey, don't take away my raki! I still need it! Fuck you, brat!

Japan...

...Just go and ask Greece out already, will ya? It's getting fucking tiring watching you two make eyes at each other whenever you meet. Go and make eyes in a room or closet or whatever all night long. I'll just be here, chugging my raki until I pass out and don't remember a thing in the morning.

No, I really mean it. Go. _Go_. You know damned well that you love him.

Right.

Right. You still care enough to put a blanket over me and leave me alone to sleep. Thanks. Now I can sleep all this off.

It still hurts.

* * *

A/N:

Oh, _Turkey_. I felt bad for doing this to him, but let's face it, he's lucky if he even gets a full conversation in fanfic with the one he canonly likes. I might do a fic where he at least gets to interact with Japan without Greece around, just to make up for this with him. Or maybe a Turkey/Korea fic, as I have a soft spot for that crack-in-Hetalia-canon-but-not-so-crack-in-real-life pairing.

Reviews and constructive criticism are always welcome!


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